Jabberwocky Sets Stage

"Beware the Jabberwock, ...
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Jabberwocky,1872, Louis Carroll
Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There
The underlined title takes you to the full poem (if you haven't already visited). Use back in your browser to return here. Remember, Carrol was making up words in creating the monster, the entire setting (the "borogoves," the "toves") as well as the qualities of things. The borogoves were "all mimsy," the wood was "tulgey," the sword used to dispatch the Jabberwock was "vorpal." Interesting, isn't it, that the dictionary today defines "vorpal" as "deadly," crediting the made-up word Carroll gives us in the poem. It's also part of the label I use, "vorpal blade" in this blog.

The poem will probably be considered sexist by some readers because the voice speaks to "my son." Thus, it is a male who actually kills the Jabberwock. Does it make a difference? If the Jabberwock gets killed in Carroll's day, it probably had to be by a male. Whatever. Think Jabberwock as the ugly aggressive behaviour coming at a girl. See the need for ending its life,

Kids' site

Finally can report the completion of a kids' site on female bullying that is being tested.
This link takes you there. Use back in your browser to return here.

Especially test the games and give feedback.
Thanks

Relational Aggression

Behavior that is intended to harm someone by damaging or manipulating his or her relationships with others.

Never heard of the term, relational aggression? Most likely not. In fact, the major reason youngsters today are suffering under this kind of social bullying is that most of us adults not only, have never heard the term, but also believe that growing up is supposed to be painful. Fat kids are supposed to be made fun of; there has to be a popular clique that looks down on the masses; there's always a funny looking kid sitting alone, shunned on that far lunchroom table.

This blog provides the opportunity to examine these assumptions more carefully and see the impact of accepting as normal what we've termed, "the jaws that bite, the claws that catch."

What is it?

Everyone has seen the episode—it seems that almost every sitcom has one—when the big, tough, school bully has finally tripped the show’s main character in the cafeteria one too many times. The underdog tells the bully to meet him outside of school at three o’clock the next day and goes home to ask dad to teach him how to throw a punch. The next afternoon after the last bell rings, the underdog’s punch connects with the bully’s nose and he falls to the ground. The crowd that has gathered erupts into cheers and everyone knows not to mess with the little guy any more.

Not only is this television portrayal of bullying out-dated, it’s just plain inaccurate. Today, students who are the victims of bullying are more likely to be the subjects of vicious rumors or be shunned by their peers than be thrown in a garbage can or shoved in a locker. And although this form of abuse is not as visible as a fist fight, it’s just as hurtful. This sometimes subtle type of bullying happens everyday in schools across the country…

It’s called relational aggression.

Ophelia Project Fights RA

The Ophelia Project, a non-profit organization dedicated to ending this type of abuse, defines relational aggression as a type of emotional violence that encompasses behaviors that harm others by damaging or manipulating one's relationships with his/her peers, or by injuring one's feelings of social acceptance. Relational aggression keeps young people from making friends or being part of their peer group. Both girls and boys can be the perpetrators as well as the victims of relational aggression. This negative behavior can start in the early elementary grades and last until high school or even college.

Although victims of relational aggression don’t get bruises or broken bones, the impact it has on them is just as severe. Ask a student if he or she has been the victim of relational aggression, and it seems everyone has got a story. “I’ve been told I am stupid, fat and gay,” says Andrew, a ninth grader who knows first hand how hurtful relational aggression is. “People have made fun of me because I’m Chinese. There was never any physical abuse but I was definitely excluded,” says Mark, a tenth grade student. Rachel says that, “some of the kids make fun of my because of my religion.” “People get made fun of because of their clothes sometimes,” says Alexis. And while some may think name calling and being the butt of jokes is all part of growing up, students often carry the scars of relational aggression with them for years.

Although most young people can easily think of a time when they were a victim of relational aggression, adults are not always aware of the problem. Ophelia Project research shows that 50% of middle school students do not report relational aggressive behaviors to teachers or administrators.

Signs of Victims

Because victims of relational aggression are not likely to seek help from an adult, it is vital that parents, teachers, administrators and guidance counselors know some of the warning signs that a student is being emotionally abused. A victim of relational aggression may act:
• Secretive
• Sullen
• Moody
• Anxious
• Depressed
• Angry
• Sad

Victims of relational aggression may also engage in destructive behaviors such as:
• Abusing drugs or alcohol
• Eating either too much or too little
• Acting out in class
• Engaging in risky sexual behavior
• Talking about or attempting suicide

“It’s not fist fights. It’s much more subtle than that. And since it’s not out in the open a lot of teachers don’t even realize it’s happening. Most kids are smart enough not to call someone a name or make fun of someone in front of an adult. They’ll wait until there aren’t any teachers around,” says Dan, a high school biology teacher. “Teachers and parents really need to be aware that this behavior—excluding certain kids and saying really cruel things—happens all day, every day in schools. They have to be looking out for signs of it so they can help stop it.”

Kids Don't Tell

There are several reasons for young people’s silence when they are victims of relational aggression. First, some students believe that teachers, administrators and school counselors just won’t know how to help the situation.

Keira, a tenth grader, says, "I wouldn’t report bullying to a teacher or guidance counselor because it seems like whenever an adult gets involved the situation just gets worse. Adults forget what it was like to be our age, so their methods rarely work." Jessica, a high school student, claims if her peers were spreading rumors about her or shunning her she wouldn’t seek help from a teacher because she "doesn’t trust them."

Another reason students give for not wanting to tell a teacher or guidance counselor that they are victims of relational aggression is because they don’t want to be seen as a snitch or a wuss, as two high school students put it.

"People don’t want to ask for help because then others would think of them as a person who is weak and can’t stop the problem himself," says Jake, a ninth grade student. Maya, a ninth grader agrees, "Kids need to stick up for themselves. If you allow yourself to be treated that way you are subjecting your self to more abuse." Michael, an eleventh grader, says, "You have to learn to be self-reliant. Just ignore it. I would rather handle it my own way."

While students report that if the abuse turned violent, they would tell an adult, they are not likely seek help for verbal or emotional abuse from their peers.

Perps Look Like ...

Adults should also be aware of signs that someone is the perpetrator of relational aggression. Dan Olweus, author of the book Bullying at School, gives the following signs that someone may be relationally aggressive:
• May have strong needs to dominate and subdue other students, to assert themselves with power and threat, and to get their own way; they may brag about their actual or imagined superiority
• May tease (repeatedly) in nasty ways, taunt, intimidate, threaten or ridicule
• May be average, above or below average in popularity, but often have support from at least a small number of peers
• May be hot tempered, easily angered, impulsive, and have low frustration tolerance; they have difficulty conforming to rules and tolerating adversities and delays, and may try to gain advantage by cheating
• Are often not anxious or insecure and they typically have a relatively positive view of themselves (average or better than average self esteem)

Get Smart re: RA

If you would like more information on relational aggression and how to stop it, come back. We hope to lead you to the specialists. The Ophelia Project (http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/index.htm) was already mentioned. In your city or town, contact your local council of the Girl Scouts or national headquarters of Girl Scouts USA, a world-wide organization (http://www.girlscouts.org/ ) dedicated to helping girls develop qualities that will serve them all their lives--strong values, social conscience, and conviction about their own potential and self-worth.

Much of the content provided here is from NuVision, a student staffed PR agency at the New York Institute of Technology's Old Westbury campus. These graduate students work with not-for-profit organizations on Long Island, assisting them with their public relations needs. They are currently working with the Girl Scouts of Nassau County (GSNC) in Long Island, New York. GSNC provides experts specializing in relational aggression to speak to teachers, school administrators, school counselors and Parent/Teacher Associates about how to prevent this form of emotional abuse.

If you know of groups working on this issue, please share that information here in Get Smart re: RA. We are working with a group of experts who are researching the "go to" groups and sites that are assisting youngsters.